I am allergic to water!!

I am allergic to water!! I always have been and I don’t for see anything changing in the near future. You see every time I step out of the shower, I spend the next 10 minutes scratching and scraping all of my skin off till I am a red throbbing mess, and generally miserable. I thought at first it might be the soap, or the shampoo, or the laundry detergent that I wash my towels with but after trying all available brands and what not I am left to conclude that I am allergic to water. I am only writing this to try and keep my mind off the itching for I have just gotten out of the shower and am currently in the don’t scratch the itch battle. I saw the queen’s motorcade today not really exciting it was a bunch of cars with tinted windows and motorcycles with flashing lights. I mean for all I know it could have been Michel Jackson