The Car

So Here I am at coffee with Miranda and I smell like a carburetor or well I guess ,more specifically I smell like carb cleaner. You see we have been having a bit of a running issue with our car as of late and we think that we have narrowed it down to a dirty fuel system so when we arrived at keegans I filled the carb with Cleaner and created a huge plume of blue and black smoke to come out of our exhaust with is btw right buy the engine. So ya needless to say the blue black plume of smoke had an associated smell that was attached to it. And well that smell has decided to make my clothes its new home . So I can say (without pride for this is feet some nights) that I am the smelliest person in keegans. So I will go out in a bit and start our car so it can produce more bright blue and black plumes of smoke, and guarantee my status of the smelliest guy in keegans.

Still on the note of the car, I have another story that I can tell. So our Bug needs brakes in the back right? (Well being that you are all not in a position to answer I will for you) Right. We look in the VW Bible and we came to the conclusion that we can do this our selves and save lots of money. I mean I grew up on a farm I have done this sort of thing numerous times. So we get the parts that are required for this and other minor repairs that need to be done, and we settle in to fix the back brakes. We jack and block it up and pull of the tire on the driver’s side. We are getting ready to show this thing who’s boss, sleeves are rolled up and our meager tools are gathered around, and the John Muier book (the VW Bible) is laying open in Miranda lap. First step: Consult the bible. “Alright” Miranda says, the first thing that we need to do is take of the larger nut on the axel so we can take to drum off.” I am like ok that should be no problem. I inspect the nut and think mmmm… We that is a little larger then my largest wrench…. Well I have these pliers while it is not the best thing it is the best that I have. (Insert the grunting and swearing that occurred while I attempted to take of said nut.)
After a time of trying different techniques, trading off with Miranda and mike, we all came to the same conclusion that we were going to need the appropriate tool to succeed in removing this nut. So we pile into Mikes Golf and off we go to Crappy tire to get a medium pipe wrench. We are pleased with feeling of brute power that emanated from the large iron pipe wrench. We left Crappy tire with a feeling of immense superiority, and power, we felt that that silly bolt will not even see us coming and that we would have zero trouble from this point on. Well we get back to the car and we size the pipe wrench to the appropriate size, get it on the nut, and grab a good grip of the handle and pull. I pulled and I pulled and I succeeded in doing nothing, absolutely nothing. Oh that is on there tight. It was at this moment that Miranda found this Diagram in the john Muier book that involves a long pipe, socket and feet.

Oh ok well we will get in to that tomorrow.

Tomorrow
We bought the biggest socket that I have ever owned and a three-foot driver to stick on the end, and not wanting to fuck around we stopped of on the way home and bought a 2 foot hunk of pipe as well. So we bring this home and we are feeling like we are bloody invincible, that there is nothing that is going to stop us from removing this silly nut. So we get home and we break out the tools and pipe, get the socket on the nut, the driver on the socket, and the pipe on the driver, and we get ready to go for it I start pulling, and pulling and The car is moving forward, odd. I make sure that the car is in gear and the E-brake is on and I start pulling again, this time the driver is bending and the car is still rolling forward. Mmmm… I am tougher then I thought :) Ok Miranda gets in the car and presses on the brake as hard as she can and I start again. After a liberal hosing of WD-40 I hook up the socket to the Nut the Driver to the socket, and the pipe to the driver and this time I also decide that there has been a demonstrated need to involve the services of our newly acquired ball peen Hammer to the mix as well. So I have the socket, the driver, the pipe, and the Hammer. (Song of the day in anticipation of the upcoming Pixies One Devine Hammer) Miranda is on the brake and we begin I am pushing and pushing and the driver is bending the car is trying to move forward and the Nut hasn’t moved a bit. I feel at this point that it is time to start hammering the piss out of the pipe as the Muier book has said Pushing and Hammering and the driver is bending and a hernia is eminent and… Nothing! Not a damn thing. So I try it again after a bit of a rest only thins time I omitted the hammer, I am pushing and pulling and huffing and puffing and Bang the whole Socket and driver and pip fall to the floor. I look and I actually broke the driver I broke ? inch of tempered steel that is meant to be reefed on. It is crazy so needless to say that is going back to Crappy tire and the car still needs brakes