Corbin loves to play at this playground when we go to the farmers market. It was hard to tell him that we couldn’t this time we were here but my kid is always a trooper and simply took it in stride.

I started thinking about it though. I have had this idea for a scene in a film that I have been working on in my mind and on paper for quite a long time now. @tayholborow & @sean_mahaffey know what I am talking about! ?

In short it involves a on the rocks couple drinking a lot of booze inside this UFO at this playground at night and just going through it. There is something about the absurdity of adults doing adult things in non-sequitur playgrounds that really gets my filmmaking mind a turning!

So while I was taking this photo I thought about that idea and how I should work out the time to flesh it out some more when I realized that I am not going to making any films with other people for at least a year.

Legitimately this how it hit me! Just as a point of fact, I am not filming anything for at least a year.

That is not to say that I am not going to keep working on things. For example I am currently working on an awesome script with a couple of amazing folks (shout out to @ruthreich & @erinviera for being fucking awesome!) from our last Blood’N’Guts film that is taking about 108% of the free time that I manage to scrape away from my kids at nap times and the like, and I am desperately trying to find some time to edit the huge plate full of other things here and there, but the thought of act of abandoning my wife who is working full full full (did I mention FULL) time to take care of the kids and then gather a group of people together to film a scene somewhere risking infecting ourselves and then subsequently our individual family’s for nothing more than the love and need to do it, well it seems…. irresponsible at minimum and just utterly foolish on the outside :)

So this photo is me realizing that I am probably not filming a single thing until we have a vaccine or herd immunity, and actually being really ok with that.

I have been so hell bent on moving forward that I may not really be sure that I have been going in the right direction. It has been refreshing to not be pulled 6 ways at a time creatively and have the mental space to focus on one thing even if it is for only 45min a day. It has been the craziness of navigating kids and family and just getting groceries in a pandemic to realize that I can’t try and do it all and giving myself permission to let somethings go for now and do what I can with what I have and who I can. So this photo that is supposed to be sad isn’t really for me.